MOVE TO LEGALIZE VIDEO POKER? THINK TWICE

Never mind using ex-governor Rod Blagojevich's stance against video poker legalization to justify public support of it -- even if a big Chicago daily chooses to point that out at the end of a story this week (May 11 Chicago Tribune) about a new push by leading Democrats to do so as a way to raise revenue.

Let's face it: video poker, Cherry Masters, whatever you want to call it, is already a big joke in this state AND just about every municipality outside La Grange.

Video poker, like some cigarette and billiards tables, are syndicate owned and operated.

Money made at these games is split between the business owner and the guys who furnish them -- religiously, by the way, days after the ones seized in well-publicized county police raids are trucked away then destroyed and sometimes burned by vice squads -- Guys, by the way, who just might want to break some legs if you cheat on your earnings statements. Guys that keep the local law enforcement and politicians (through regular campaign contributions, mind you) in line. How nice, huh?

Go to any bar or restaurant (or, say, the almost secret back room of Darcy Lynn's diner on Ogden Avenue in Lyons) and you will NOT see ANY video poker games at which full-grown adults are happily pumping twenty after fifty after one hundred dollar bills into, just to play poker, slots, other related games with half-naked cartoon women on the screens -- "FOR AMUSEMENT ONLY" -- according to unofficial handwritten signs slapped on them by sleazy business owners.

AND JUST FOR AMUSEMENT? HA!

If you stick around these places long enough, and are not obvious but observant, you will see illegal activity, illegal payouts to regular players just like it was a Vegas or Illinois riverboat casino or, say, a truck stop outside Baton Rouge. Money doesn't come out of the machine, but usually out of a cash box of some sort kept hidden behind the bar or in the proprietor's office. And the winnings are often sweet -- OH, AND BY THE WAY: tax-free! HOW 'bout that people??
But except for the occasional election year county sheriff's raid on a multitude of taverns
throughout the suburbs, most every municipal, county and state law enforcement agency ignores the problem. Local government could be making gobs of money busting these places for such payouts if they'd just take the time to do their jobs.

However, they can't, usually because the Liquor Commissioner (hmmm ... Who?), otherwise known as the Mayor overlooks, er, excuse me...... controls the disposition of all the licenses of liquor establishments that harbor the machines.

The "Commissioner" rarely, if ever, conducts disciplinary hearings on watering holes and pancake houses and VFW halls caught red-handed by other agencies. Occasionally they do and mete fines or minor suspensions against them. The toughest penalty I ever remember was carried out in the 1990's by then-Lyons Mayor David Visk, who shut down a tavern caught paying out winnings to video poker players and dealing drugs in the establishment. Another mayor in DuPage in the last decade ordered one bar owner closed on every major traditional drinking and partying holiday.

But local towns rarely crack down on video poker -- what I have long considered an expansion of illegal gambling that has flagrantly went on around these parts probably since the times illegal stills operated in local barns and garages during Prohibition. It's legalized in some states, but it's often very controversial.

So why should you care?

Well, folks, it seems our illustrious Democratic leaders in the House and Senate are solidly behind the legalization -- get this -- of the ILLEGAL payout portion of the otherwise boring and staid "amusement" device as a possible way to finance school construction projects and local government needs throughout the Land of Lincoln.

The measure -- backed by Senate President John Cullerton and House Speaker Michael Madigan, according to aides, in a May 11 published report -- was approved that day by a 9-2 vote of the Illinois House Executive Committee as legislators negotiated the go-ahead of a massive public works initiative before their scheduled May 31 adjournment in Springfield.

The idea is estimated to generate as much as $300 million annually through a proposed 25 percent tax on the now illegal payouts. WHICH makes me wonder: how do these trusty, clean-as-whistles lawmakers know how much is being made as a result of these games if the winnings are illegally paid out?

(I think I get it. Before we pass the law, let's all visit our friendly neighborhood watering hole or greasy spoon as the case may be, quaff a beer or coffee or two, then inquire oh so politely just how much they dole out in an average month to the regulars who amuse themselves at their video poker machines. Then times that by 12. I'm sure they won't mind filling us in.)

But wait a minute!

We really need money in this state, this town, this county and God knows we can't cut administrative fat or trips and conventions or pension contributions (forcing government workers to pay toward their own retirement like the rest of modern-day America does with 401K's and IR A's. O. M. G.!) or things like hiring relatives or building mini-golf courses nobody visits, laregly inaccessible parks or, for instance, $15 million village halls.

Might as well make recreational drugs and other narcotics legal as a way to pay for playgrounds and those worthless all-terrain assault boy-toys local SWAT teams have to protect them against the next terrorist attack in Bedford Park or Hodgkins. Guess what? People aren't just smoking, snorting and injecting drugs because they are having a good time. People make lots of money dealing this stuff! Maybe we could tax them, after all we know there are lots of illegal payoffs going on ... but we just largely ignore it.

Heck, those poor guys at just about any bar or diner can't blow smoke in nonsmoker's faces indoors anymore. We gotta give 'em a break; it's damn cold out there, or windy, or balmy, and they gotta stand the whole time. So let's finally recognize they're breaking the law and tax them for it. This is hypocrisy.

On the same note, why not legalize prostitution? We know people pay for it and those guys and gals sure do make some good money doing what they do.

Awww, we know it's illegal, taxpayers, but so is the ghost payrolling we overlook and the campaigning we do while we are supposed to be working on the government payroll and the contracts and jobs and appointments we give out to those fine people whom we twist arms and legs to fill up our campaign coffers.

And you know what? It's not just Blago who's into that kind of thing. It's a lot of other politicians, not just waiting for pensions and campaign fund payouts to kick in, who generally believe they are above the law. And, I guess, who believe the tavern owners and those good 'ol veterans and truckers are as well.

Gov. Pat Quinn, an advocate of a $26 billion construction program, has not said where he stands on the terrible idea.

But Democrat Frank Mautino of Spring Valley likes the idea and is looking for supporters. I can't wait to hear what has convinced them to rally behind it.

It's estimated there are about 65,000 of these machines in Illinois, many of which are licensed for a fee by the local municipality or county. But it's likely there are at least 65,000 more in the backrooms of warehouses and other storefronts and store 'fronts' all over the place. Heck, there's a place in Lyons, a big political contributor over the years, that houses scores of them.

The funny thing about Mautino's plan, IF it's going to be followed, is that wagering would be restricted to a max of 2 bucks a bet, with a max payout of 500 greenbacks. Heck I've often seen grown men with fistfulls of 20's and 50's childishly shoving them in the dollar slot one after another. TWO bucks?

Here's another good one: taverns would only be able to house three poker games, while truck stops, vet's halls and private or nonprofit social clubs could have up to five. (Excuse me, Mr. Speaker, just how many can we then keep running in the back room or the basement?!)

We're not yet sure how our local reps and senators feel about this stellar suggestion, but we'll update you when we know.

We are, however, happy to report that those two NO votes in committee came from a Mundelein Republican, Rep. Ed Sullivan -- who says if he was to vote for it, it'd have to pay for road repair before school upgrades -- and our friend Rep. Bob Biggins of nearby Elmhurst, who says there's enough gambling in Illinois already. Yay, Bob!

The whole thing makes me laugh and oh so suspicious of just who's giving whom how much, when and how. After all, while I am no supporter of Rod and all of his antics, it's funny that some of those criticizing him are willing to help mobsters and their minions (and probably more than a few mayors and cops ... OH, and our wonderful state, sorry) make money off of presently unenforced ILLEGAL criminal activity.

And they expect us all to sit back and accept this nonsense. We don't think so.

Speak up, Illinoisans. Don't let anyone shove this down your throats.

(please tell us what you think) Thanks.